Monday, 26th April 1976
Ever since first crawling up the steps of the vyasasana in 1973, young Janaka had shown a spontaneous desire to be with Srila Prabhupada. Prabhupada had, in turn, reciprocated by showing him much encouragement and affection. Janaka and his parents had recently moved from Brighton to the house next door to the temple. Now Janaka was fortunate to continue his intimate association. He took every opportunity to visit Srila Prabhupada in his rooms, and was so young and guileless that Prabhupada allowed him "free rein".
Sometimes Janaka would climb in and out of Srila Prabhupada's bedroom window via the veranda to avoid confronting the servants who stood guard at the darsana room door. It was not unusual to see him attempting to play on Prabhupada's harmonium, or to find him curled up asleep on the carpet in the bedroom while Prabhupada rested. Occasionally, Prabhupada would teach him songs, or share his prasadam with him. Janaka sometimes spread his colouring-in books and crayons on Prabhupada's darsana room floor. Once he was even discovered in Prabhupada's bathroom, plying his toy boats in the bathing buckets.
Janaka accompanied Srila Prabhupada and his entourage for the last morning walk at the Botanic Gardens. The day's schedule had been adjusted to allow for Prabhupada's departure to Auckland after an early massage and lunch. Hence the sun had not yet risen when the maroon limousine pulled up under a large fig tree adjoining a main entrance to the park. The pre-dawn air was chilly, and Prabhupada alighted looking snug and warm in his woolly saffron coat.
The walk began along the boundary road of the gardens. Cittahari asked Srila Prabhupada, "Is a devotee always in anxiety when he sees others unhappy?"
"Yes," Prabhupada replied. "How to deliver them? This is Krsna anxiety. This kind of anxiety is welcome."
Cittahari asked whether there was such anxiety in the spiritual world.
"Yes. In the spiritual world there is everything. But the central point is Krsna. Here, the anxiety is ‘Where I shall get money? Where I shall get woman?' And there, the anxiety is ‘how shall I get Krsna?' The anxiety is there, but the quality is different."
Cittahari inquired further. "If we're in anxiety that we cannot perform devotional service nicely, is that all right?"
Prabhupada explained that that was indeed spiritual; but the full manifestation of such "Krsna anxiety" was rarely achieved. It was available only when one came to the platform of first-class devotional service. "Then he is perfect. Janma-koti-sukrtair na labhyate. After many millions of lives of pious activities one can get such anxiety."
"What if one keeps falling down from following the regulative principles, and feels anxiety?" Cittahari wondered. "Is that anxiety material?"
"Yes."
"It's not spiritual?"
Pusta Krsna wanted the issue clarified. "So anxiety for oneself is maya?"
"That is material," replied Prabhupada.
"And anxiety for Krsna ..."
"That is spiritual."
"Krsna anxiety" was so desirable, Prabhupada added, that Rupa Goswami had advised that one purchase it "at any price". But that price was a high one. Prabhupada disclosed the subtle point with a smile. Ironically, Srila Prabhupada said the price for obtaining Krsna anxiety was one's anxiety to have it; and that anxiety was not available even after millions of lives of pious activities.
Cittahari inquired on behalf of the pujaris present. "So if we are performing Deity worship, and we get in anxiety how to make it nice ..."
Prabhupada confirmed Cittahari's thoughts. "Yes, that is Krsna anxiety. If you become anxious how to worship the Deity, how to dress Krsna nicely, if you remain, that will develop your anxiety for Krsna. Therefore Deity worship is essential. Exactly in time to get up, to offer mangala arati, to dress; this anxiety is the beginning of Krsna anxiety. Then when you become perfect, you will always be anxious for Krsna. That is the perfectional stage. Therefore by the injunction of the sastra, regulative principles, it is a way of creating that anxiety. So we must follow. Then we'll come to the real anxiety."
Another devotee asked about the anxiety to distribute a lot of books. Was that spiritual?
"If you become very anxious how to sell more books," Srila Prabhupada said, "that is Krsna anxiety. That is not trade anxiety; that is Krsna anxiety."
Guru Krpa brought up a topical managerial issue. "Some people say that "When I go on sankirtana to sell books, I become in too much anxiety if I'm not doing well, so I'd rather not do it."
"No, that is Krsna anxiety. He does not know. Let him know that that is Krsna anxiety."
Prabhupada gave the example of Mother Yasoda. "She became the mother of Krsna so that she would always remain in anxiety for Krsna, whether Krsna is safe. That is mother's anxiety."
Prabhupada's face became animated as he appeared to take on the persona of Mother Yasoda. "Mother Yasoda is always anxious. ‘Krsna is crawling. Whether He is falling down in some water or some monkey has come, hurting him, or ...?' Always. Or ‘He is touching some fire'. Always anxiety. And besides that, ‘The demons are coming'. So this is perfection. Always remain in anxiety for Krsna."
The sublime, Krsna conscious anxiety of Mother Yasoda, Prabhupada explained, was unknown in the material world. "Here, everyone takes Krsna as the father. Father means I'm anxiety-less: ‘Father, you supply my wants.' And to become father of Krsna means to purchase anxiety for Krsna. This philosophy they do not know."
The party entered deep into the gardens. As they reached a steep incline, Prabhupada grasped Janaka's hand with his, and, much to the boy's pleasure put it inside the pocket of his own warm woollen coat.
Prabhupada stopped alongside a huge cactus with large jagged blades that came out from a central hard core and hung downwards, treacherously close to the path. Each of the stiff blades was bordered with hard, needle-sharp spikes. Prabhupada smiled. The messengers of Yamaraja, Srila Prabhupada said, dragged sinful living beings through plants such as these.
"That is anxiety, Srila Prabhupada!" said Cittahari. "That is anxiety -- when one goes to Yamaraja and has to face."
Prabhupada grinned. "Yes. That is the result of material anxiety."
Srila Prabhupada summed up the morning's theme: Ultimately, he explained, it was not possible to become anxiety-less. The impersonalists who search after santi, peace, may try to become free from anxiety for some time, he said, but ultimately they would fall down.
"You are a living being. You cannot be anxiety-less. That means you are dead. That is not the ideal. Anxiety should be purified from material contamination, and it should be only for Krsna. Then it is perfect."
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-‘The Great Transcendental Adventure-‘‘The Southernmost Part of this Globe', Part I --Melbourne,
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