Madhudvisa: To our limited vision, Srila Prabhupada's health was deteriorating. He requested that I come to Vrindavan to see him. I had just gotten married, and my wife was pregnant with my first son. We were living in a very remote part of Hawaii, and I couldn't leave at that particular moment. But I promised that as soon as my wife had her baby, then I would come.
Time passed. After my son arrived, Srutakirti came over to Maui, and together we flew off to India. At that time I wasn't living at a temple, so I had let my hair grow a little bit longer. When we arrived in Delhi, I thought, "Well, I can't see Srila Prabhupada like this." So I shaved up and had a big, long sikha.
When I walked in Prabhupada's room there was a very sober mood. It was dark, as everything was subdued, and the devotees were morose and quiet. They said, "Srila Prabhupada, Madhudvisa has arrived." Srila Prabhupada sat up in his bed. I paid my obeisances, and the first thing Prabhupada said was, "Wow! Look at Madhudvisa. He has maintained such a nice sikha." He chuckled, knowing that I hadn't maintained such a nice sikha. I had just shaved up in the Delhi train station.
The second thing he said was, "Where is your wife?" You see, I had left Srila Prabhupada. I was a sannyasi, and then I had left and gotten married. That's not the way you should do it. But Srila Prabhupada shrugged that off. It was immaterial to him. He wanted to know where my wife was. Not that, "Why have you gotten married? Why have you done this?" He wanted to know, "Where is she?" He was fully aware that I was married and had a child, and he wanted to see my wife.
I said, "Well, Srila Prabhupada, she just had her first baby, and she really doesn't want to travel." He said, "That's right. She shouldn't travel. But is she feeling okay?" And I said, "Yes. She is feeling good." "And you had a son?" I said, "Yes, Prabhupada. I had a son, and I named him Abhay Charan. Is that all right?" And he said, "Yes."
Then he went on to explain the famous purport that's in the Srimad-Bhagavatam about the elephant and the crocodile. "The elephant is very mighty and strong, but when he enters the water, he becomes victimized by the crocodile because he is not in his proper atmosphere. If he is on land he can crush the crocodile, but because he is in the water, he is at the mercy of the crocodile."
He said, "Similarly, we may be situated in the wrong atmosphere for executing Krishna consciousness. We must put ourselves in the right atmosphere, and then we can execute Krishna consciousness with all strength and vigor. You were a sannyasi, and now you are a householder. That doesn't make any difference. The proper thing is just to go on with your Krishna consciousness. Execute it. If you can't execute it, if you are becoming weak by artificially embracing the sannyasi order, then you must take another order to become strong again. That is all right. The most important thing is not to leave the association of devotees and to continue with Krishna consciousness."
He made me feel so good. It was very enlivening and personal to be with Srila Prabhupada in those last days.
Reference: Srila Prabhupada Remembrances - Siddhanta Dasa
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